hurts after hurts *

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

it has been so long that i updated my pathetic bloggy . SORRY ~ sighs . many things happened . i guess i shall post abt th NON-SAD things first bahs . okays , hmms , have been gg tuh gym and there is one particular time when i went tuh gym and i saw this average looking malay girl , whose muscles are like so huge can ! wahs , i see her so muscular i zi bei siahs . her muscles are actually bigger than mine i guess ! OMFG . damned zi bei mans . Grrr . nvm , i will train harder derhs . humph . today was my FIRST PAPER . ENGLISH PAPER . hmms , was damned nervous that i got messed up with all th foolscap papers and stuffs on my bloody table . Zzz . too nervous lerhs , cos i didnt really revise much . and i cant deny that im more or less distracted by some prob of mine . which happened just ytd . sighs . hmms , but thank goodness , i managed tuh complete my paper smoothly :D hope will have gd grades . ^^ hmms , currently im down with one lunatic diet plan . which is anti food ! LOL . hmms , since th day i met up with HER at Jurong Point , which on Sunday , i had nasi lemak for my breakfast , and thats all for that day . then Monday i had 2 half-boiled eggs for breakfast , thats all for that day . Today slightly better , i ate some vege and boiled chicken during my recess and thats it . :D kinda break my own record lerhs siahs . idk why i would come up with this also . LOL . hmms .

that day met up with HER , Joii , with Jonas at Jp . and they met us for awhile only then went off lerhs . we came all th way tuh Jp tuh meet them and they so fast jiu go lerhs . cant deny , was kinda disappointed . sighs . so aft that me and Jonas went tuh meet Zen , then tgt went tuh meet Aubrey and her gf . waited for them for damned long cans ! Zzz -.- i gave HER a test , with th help of Jonas . sadly tuh say , she failed my test . shall not elaborate much on th test . sighs . and th test went on till ytd , i called Her up and exposed everyting . then She msg me and asked me tuh forget abt Her and Our memories . and She asked me & Jonas tuh stop contacting her . She was very upset that i dint trust her that i have tuh test her . she said we were through . noe how hurting those words are ?! what made me puzzled was why She told Jonas that she dont love me anymore but later when i asked her if she still love me , she said Yes . sighs . forget it , its over . i noe i cant forget Her just like that becos i Love Her . but idk whether does she still feel th same , although from certain incidents i can feel it , neverthless , i dont wan tuh be overconfident . i would rather she tell me TRUTHFULLY at my face . i had my reasons for doing that . although its still not right tuh do that . perhaps as what ppl have said , i let th phobia and distrust i have towards rs from th past experiences affect th present one i had . yeahs , i noe i also got wrong . sighs . perhaps im really too sensitve lerhs bahs . and too zai hu her lerhs . but i really dint have th intentions tuh hurt her in any ways . i swear ! i was badly hurt too ! *cries* i really dont wish tuh let go . cos i noe i cant . and i love Her . i cant deny this .

"Dar , i noe you slp already . i just finished bathing . and gg tuh zz soon . i just wanna tell you that out of a sudden , i miss you . miss th way you loved me , th times we've shared , th way you laughed , th way we hugged and kissed , th way you called me Dar , th way i fetch you back and fro sgh , th way you held my hands and walk tuh your sch from commonwealth mrt , th silly you when you pg , basically your everything . just you , yes i want you . your love , th love we used tuh share . i want it all back . even though i may sound greedy , but its th fact . becos of you , i've learnt , learnt tuh be appreciative of those time we had . be is sad or happy times . i wont let go of you so easily anymore .comes whatever , rmb , im still here for you tuh rant your anger , tuh wipe away your tears when you are down , tuh laugh with you when you are over th moon . Even if th whole world turn their backs against you , you noe you still have me by your side . i cant give up just like that , and i wont too . at first i must say , i didnt noe that i love you that deep , i tot it was just a love that i could easily forget . but only when i felt th hurt ytd , and genuinely feel how bad i was hurt , then i began tuh , how much i actually love you . i may not be good at showing you my love , or at giving you th assurance that i wont hurt you , but from now onwards , im gg tuh try my very best tuh give you my best , tuh make you happy .tuh be more understanding . i noe you need some time tuh cool down . i will give you time . i'll give you all th freedom tuh do anything you want , as long as you dont hurt yourself . i hope that you'd make me be th one tuh let you confide your xin shi in . i wanna be th one tuh go through all th thicks and thins in th future in th future tuh come . i wanna be th one . not anyone else . whatever i do , is all becos of one simple reason , which is I LOVE YOU . i swear its true . if my love for you aint true , i lose my parents okays . from today onwards , you'll be my only one . i need you my girl . and i love you more . more than you noe . slp tight alright .i gg slp also . gd night . tmr morning then msg you k ? kisses , from th bottom of my heart !

from all my heart ,
your dar EmersonChong"

last night's msg tuh Her . how i wish we will be like how we used tuh be . so loving and sweet . why is it that aft you discharge , then you become another DAR who i dont noe? yes , i will accpt NOW derhs you , if i really love you , but i need time and chance tuh understand NOW derhs you also rights ? I hope that we could return back tuh those times when i send you back tuh SGH , when we smoke at staircase tgt , when i fetch you tuh and fro SGH , when i sent you tuh sch , when we kissed and hugged ( th feeling was so right and strong ) , th way you touch . i miss all those times , th love we used tuh share . but all that have been replaced with th cold and cruel you . i dont mind now , even if we can return tuh th times when i waited outside SGH for you like a fool when ended up you wasnt even out , i dont mind how sot i was . i just wan th past that belong tuh us back . DAR , pls dont do this tuh me . its hurting . and th only way tuh stop th hurts is tuh return back tuh how we used tuh be . PLEASE . it wasnt until i felt how tremendously my heart broke , that i realise how much i actually love you . DAR , im sorry , i noe i may have hurt you in some ways at times , but i've never realise . im sorry for being so ignorant of my own actions and yet so sensitive of every of your actions . but please rmb , I LOVE YOU , i really do . T.T

SCREAMED at Tuesday, May 04, 2010