hurts after hurts *

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Did i not love you enuf??

Did i not love you well enuf???
Did i not love you well enuf??? hellos. im here tuhh update again lerhs. haish. this week has been a FUCKED-UP week for me lahs. have been crying too much lerhs. haish. was damn sad lahs cans. haish. almost every nite i also will cry myself tuhh sleep lahs. haish. in my dorm , there is one bung call Ae'phix , who has current current with my EX, Cindy. haish. at first i did not believe aephix when she tell me that she and cindy current current derhs , but as days passes by, i witnessed them being close and loving, calling each other DARLING, i also witnessed cindy drawing things for her , writing letters tuhh her , doing alot of things for aephix, etc. and that has really made me SOT. im really going crazy soon. wo zhen derhs hen xing ku. dang wo kan dao cindy he aephix tian mi derhs shi hou, it really breaks my heart. haish. but what could i say? NOTHING. i just had tuhh shut my mouth up and bear with th pains. haish. really was damn broken lahs. haish. was crying and crying but i dint show my tears infront of cindy lahs. haish. i acted as if i dint feel anything lahs. haish. cos i just wan tuhh see her happy niahs lahs. haish. but deep inside im bleeding lahs. haish. i dont noe how long more i can bear with th pains tuhh see her and aephix being so sweet and loving lahs. haish. im afraid that one day i might really break down completely mans. haish. i kept on telling myself tuhh be strong and that i cant shed anymore tears for her lerhs but i just cant do it. haish. wahs, staying inside one dorm with her and aephix , i will NEVER fail tuhh cry derhs luhs. haish. sometime i even felt like running also got lahs. haish. its really killing me deep inside lerhs mans. haish. i really do wonder lehs, why she will suddenly like aephix derhs lehs. is giving up and falling for someone new that easy for her? so far from what i noe abt her , i dont tink she is that kinda person who falls for someone easily derhs and who easily forget her LOVE easily derhs but why now she is falling for aephix ? it really kept me wondering mans. me and her just break not long only lehs. today is th 13th days that we are APART lerhs. haish. damn sad lahs. but what can i do tuhh win her trust and heart back? now that there is aephix derhs chun zai , i suppose it will be harder for me tuhh win her trust and heart back lerhs bahs. haish. why must she like aephix? aephix really love her more than i do mehs? haish. maybe aephix derhs TIAO JIAN bi wo hao, ke shi AI QING NA LI KE YI NA LAI ZHUO BI JIAO NE? i really dont believe that aephix love her more than i do luhs. im sure i love her more than that aephix luhs. bi jing aephix got her own gf outside mahs. and im sure aephix loves her gf JUJU luhs. jing ran aephix you lerhs JUJU , na wei she me ta hai yao yong you cindy derhs ai ne? wei she me yao lead cindy on ne? haish. i do wan tuhh fight with aephix tuhh win back my cindy derhs but i dont noe where is my courage tuhh do so lerhs. maybe its becos im afraid that cindy might choose aephix over me , thats why i dont wanna do anything. haish. cos i noe i cant do anything! haish. do anyone noe how im feeling rite now mahs? haish. how hurt i was when i saw cindy and aephix derhs QING MI mahs? when i saw cindy putting so much efforts for aephix and doing so much for aephix???? haish. th pains are UNBEARABLE mans. haish. ytd, i wasnt feeling that good and out of a sudden , i just wanna be alone so i after eating my lunch, i went into my room. cos i wanna shut myself up from seeing and hearing abt cindy and aephix. i need a break , my heart is tired of bleeding lerhs. and in my room, i did something WRONG. haish. it has been some time lerhs ever since i last did that. and i have done that again ytd. when im all alone in my room. haish. cos i guess thats th only way tuhh sooth th pains i felt. haish. seriously , what else can i do? haish. then half way through, i stopped becos cindy , duan yi and li ti came into my room. haish. at that point of time i really dont feel like toking so i dint tok much tuhh them luhs. and they tot i was trying tuhh drag feeling at them lahs. i just wanna be alone at that point of time mahs. hope they wont be offended bahs. haish. arghhs. im really going crazy soon lerhs lahs. >.<>.< color="#ff0000"> FLYING lahs cans. HAHAHAHAHAS:DDDDD hahas. but when i realised that she was just joking and afterall she still likes aephix , wahs, that kinda pain is like....... ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! you noe , this kinda pain are just difficult for me tuhh explain derhs lahs. haish. but i still cant say anything mahs. i also cant force her not tuhh like aephix mahs. so i just remained silent luhs. haish. sad also like that. cant do anything. haish. im really very tired now. ytd slept for 2+ hours niahs. not enuf sleep luhs. haish. dont noe if i will sleep tonite mahs. but i tink i wil lahs. cos im seriously very tired lerhs. haish. this morning , i went tuhh th tan tock seng there with ms susan and ameratuhh see doctor abt th TB thingy. then i took blood test cos i last time used tuhh drink alcohol mahs. after that , went back tuhh that hell luhs. den actually i can choose tuhh stay at th counselling room tuhh wait for my mom tuhh come and fetch me back or go up dorm and wait for my mom tuhh come. i chose tuhh go up dorm tuhh wait becos i tot i could see her this way cos supposingly she was not going home derhs. but when i reached my dorm, i found out from my frens that she went home already. so nvm luhs. my mom came at around 12 plus like that luhs. haish. when i reached home , i found out from my small bro that one of my fren used private num tuhh call me. and th first person who came into my mind was HER, Cindy. so i called her and asked her if she got call me or nots. and true enuf, she did. actually i was quite happy that she even bothered tuhh call me when she was out. cos this means that she you wo derhs xin. hahas. :DDD HAPPY! hees:D i whole day never go out, just stayed at home and rot luhs. toked on th phone with katherine , my manjer and msg luhs. sians rite? haish. but what tuhh do? im too tired tuhh move my ass out of my house lerhs. hahas. sians lahs. guess i wil be going back tuhh that hell on monday bahs. haish. can i just not go back? i dont wanna go back and see and hear abt aephix and her lahs. haish. but i got no choice lerhs. haish. shall end here lerhs bahs. take care everyone. shall update again soon bahs. byes.

this is for you BIATCH___*

ting shuo ni bi cong qian kai xin, wo hai neng you zhen yang de qing xu
chu le zhu fu, wo bu xiang zai duo shuo yi ju
ta hen hao, ta duo hao, zhe xie wo bing bu xiang yao zhi dao
zai nan wang diao, duo kuang lie de yong bao, zhe hui yi ta zhen mo gei bu dao
ta hen hao, he wo bu tong de hao, zui hou shi shui bu zhong yao
yin wei wo zhi dao ai qing bu neng zuo bi jiao
jiu suan shi jin tian huan yi ge ren yi kao, ming tian shui you bi shui hao
ai kan bu dao, ting bu dao, zen mo zuo bi jiao

-NAN DAO WO MEN ZHEN DERHS MEI YOU JI HUI ZAI YI QI LERHS MAHS???-
-WO YI RAN HAI SHI YI YANG AI NI-
11th April'09

Labels: ni neng bu neng gou zai gei wo yi ci ji hui qu ai ni?

SCREAMED at Saturday, April 11, 2009